Canada To Ban Mixed Martial Arts, All Combat Sports

By Andy Cotterill

In a move that seems to have come from nowhere, Canada’s Minister of Public Safety, Marco Mendocino, announced that next Tuesday he will be introducing a bill in the House of Commons that will criminalize all combat sports in Canada, including boxing and mixed martial arts.

“The Privy Council, under direction of the Prime Minister, has been working for some months to create this document,” Mendocino said during an impromptu scrum with reporters outside Rideau Hall, where he was attending the bi-annual Liberal party dilettante ball.

“We think that this legislation will align sports in Canada more closely with the public interest,” he continued, “We feel that there is no place for violence in trucking or any other capacity in this country.”

Mendocino, sporting a paisley lounger designed by Jebril Jalloh, told reporters that once the law comes into effect he hopes that the combat sports community will abide by it, otherwise he conceded that law enforcement could potentially intervene and use “any and all force necessary to maintain public order.”

This announcement is especially surprising considering the Prime Minister once claimed that he was put on this earth “To fight and to win.” (Exclusive Video)